Things you cannot control……

I am scribbling after a long time..

There are things in life that you cannot control even if you try to control..

In my case i did not try to control or remained life to pass over me ..In short. i was a dead meat to life’s events ..

Now Story Time:

I have always loved someone in life  during every stage of life.  Back 10 years ago, We were a middle class family and my father and mother had struggles to meet both ends. As a young kid , it had little effect on me. My parents often had fights and it was my brother who understood the reality .

He understood the financial struggles at home . My father used to shout at my mom and brother when he had a bad day at office or he had some tension. It was not intentional but he was helpless. My father and Mother married at thirties and when my brother was studying 12 , Voluntary retirement scheme was a way that corporate would remove employees from work. My father was not always at home. He worked 24 *  7 and he had little time for himself. He had the worry to bring me and my brother up in this monetary world.  My brother and my mom took care of me. They had me enrolled in best school . I had tuition classes extra. It was mainly because my brother studied in a not so good government school that he wanted me to have the best education.

It was during my school days that my mom used to take me to school via a house with lily flowers. Since we stayed at a small house and we were at a considerable distance  my mom used to walk and bring lunch for me.

It was  later we shifted to the same house with lily flowers for RS.1000. It was a huge money for us. My mom once told me that once  while bringing lunch to me earlier that she had wished that if we stayed at the house with lily flowers,the school would be near and she could bring hot lunch to me and it became a reality. She told me if you wish something sincerely, it would come to you ..may be not early but definitely you will get it.

Why all this story… Today i heard the girl i liked very much in college is getting married. its now 5 years after college. Firstly I did not have guts to say that i like her and also i did not want to upset my parents who gave everything they had to bring me up. Even now my brother is looking after my needs and i am grateful for that. I usually fight with my brother but at my heart i have always loved him and there is no single soul as him in this world who puts me before everything even his very own life.

I did not take the effort to convey my liking for her  or work for it. But at the back of my heart, its always there and will be ..

It just looks silly from an external person viewpoint as it is part and parcel of life but the feeling i bear is not conveyable .No matter what Life goes on..

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